


Everybody here's got somebody to lean on

by TheRegularWriter



Series: Even in the clutches of certain doom... you're happy to have each other [15]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Allusions to self-harm?, Angst with a Happy Ending, Author is a Coldplay nerd, Author is lonely and probably depressed, Brotherly Affection, Brotherly Bonding, Character Development, Definitely repetitive at this point I'm sorry, Developing Relationships, Epilogue, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Honestly both of these boys are TERRIBLE at feelings, Hurt/Comfort, It's the Quarantine Mood, Lars is bad at feelings, Lars is kind of a jerk in the beginning but he gets better, Major Character Injury, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Relationships, Pre-Episode: s04e23 The Good Lars, Pre-Pink Lars Barriga, Second chapter is REALLY self-indulgent, Second chapter will be more angsty don't worry :), Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Slice of Life, Steven Universe Future, Steven needs a hug, Trauma, Very brief arguing, Whump, help them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:27:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26699806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRegularWriter/pseuds/TheRegularWriter
Summary: Lars isn't used to seeing Steven down.... not that he's worried about it.
Relationships: Lars Barriga & Steven Universe
Series: Even in the clutches of certain doom... you're happy to have each other [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1573531
Comments: 17
Kudos: 84





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Are my stories probably repetitive at this point? Yeah.  
> Am I going to stop? No, I don't think I will.
> 
> Heads up that there will be a little epilogue of sorts for this, it'll be posted sometime this week, hopefully.
> 
> Enjoy!

_Bones, sinking like stones_

_All that we've fought for_

_Homes, places we've grown_

_All of us are done for_

_We live in a beautiful world_

_Yeah, we do_

_Yeah, we do_

_We live in a beautiful world_

_(...)_

_Oh, all that I know_

_There's nothing here to run from_

_'Cause yeah, everybody here's got somebody to lean on_

_- **[Don't Panic](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2XqpXmhM1Fc&ab_channel=Coldplay-Topic)** , Coldplay_

_Another day, another **migraine** , _Lars complains in his mind, his only company at the Big Donut today.

Sadie is on her day off, while he’s forced to stay in this greasy piece of junk. He does cover for her sometimes, but not an entire day. Most days there have been slow, for that matter, and while he’s grateful he doesn’t have to move a lot from his spot, he can’t see the point in staying here – and not without Sadie to talk to about upcoming horror movies or complain about Beach City’s whereabouts. He might just clock out earlier, really.

Lars is scrolling down his social media when the door rings. Just by one glance, he already knows who’s coming by, so he doesn’t bother looking up from his cell phone.

… or at least, before he notices how silent the Big Donut is, that you can even hear the boring background music.

Lars won’t contain a frown once he faces Steven, whose dark eyes are downcast. If the former isn’t looking too much into it, the kid seems to have tired bags under them. Overall, he looks… blue about something.

Whatever happened, Steven doesn’t mention it – when he’s always barging in the Big Donut to talk nonstop about his magical hijinks. Instead, he contemplates the warm glass of donuts in front of him. Lars, definitely not interested, waits for his order as he continues looking at his phone.

…

Nothing.

Okay. This is unnerving.

“Hey, _Steven_ ,” Lars calls him, annoyed. When that doesn’t work, he snaps his fingers in front of the kid. “Helloooo? Earth to Steven?”

Only then does the younger boy acknowledge his presence at all.

“Oh, hi! Hi… sorry.” Steven sighs.

Lars’ frown deepens. “What the heck’s gotten into you? You haven’t been a chatterbox for, what…” He checks his phone. “Woah, _ten_ minutes? Are you sick or something?”

“No, nothing is wrong. I’m fine.”

“Yeah, and I love French fries.” Lars rolls his eyes and crosses his arms. “I’m not stupid, man.”

“I’m _fine_.”

“Keep telling yourself that, maybe those ugly bags in your face will disappear.”

Steven groans and raises his voice. “Okay, it should’ve been a miracle for you that I’m not _annoying_ you, so **_why_** do you suddenly care?!”

That catches Lars off guard for a good two seconds before he steams hot air.

“I _don’t_ care! I’m trying to do my job here, against my will, so are you going to order, or are you gonna brood until the Big Donut closes, huh? What will it be?”

The two share a glaring contest for an entire minute. Lars wins once Steven looks down.

“The usual, please,” The boy requests, toning himself down a great deal; though it’s deep with anger and grievance.

Lars doesn’t comment and simply goes to grab the two chocolate donuts Steven likes. After a few silent moments, though, the kid speaks up again, quietly:

“I’m sorry for yelling.”

The older boy’s face softens before he realizes it, his temper returning to him.

“… Eh, no hard feelings, man.” Lars shrugs. But as he internally replays their argument, he adds, rather softly, “I, uh, I shouldn’t have made those comments on your mood like that.” He mumbles in his breath, “I should really keep stuff to myself sometimes…”

“It’s okay.”

Except it’s not okay. Steven no longer looks angry – there’s guilt all over him. And from the looks of it, it must not be related to Steven reasonably snapping at the other earlier.

“I’ve been… trying _so_ hard, you know,” The younger continues, much to Lars’ surprise. “I’m trying hard to be better. I’m supposed to be a Crystal Gem, but…” He swallows. “I-I keep messing everything up…”

The small sniff that escapes him is loud, blaring to Lars’ ears.

The kid says nothing else and looks at nowhere again, whereas the older boy watches him. Lars has seen Steven mad before. He has seen him… hurt before. Lars was one of the reasons once, and it’s definitely not something he’s proud of. Yet this time, Steven looks the most hurt Lars has ever seen him – and he doesn’t even talk about it, like he does about everything else. It’s so… disturbing.

Lars realizes he’s still holding his order, so he inhales and has an idea: he checks on the rest of the donuts in display and takes a new flavor – a brownie cake donut, filled with chocolate frost and nuts. He’s soon met with Steven’s confused look.

“Look, uh… I know this isn’t much,” Lars says as he closes the paper bag. “But it’s- it’s on the house. I also sneaked this new flavor we got; it’s, uh, like chocolate cake with nuts. I dunno if you like them, but… yeah.”

He’s _rambling_. Why is he rambling?

At that, Lars simply hands him the bag, at which Steven stares for a good couple of seconds, as if not believing what’s happening in front of his very eyes.

“… really?” Steven asks.

“Yeah, really.”

The boy’s eyes meet his, and they begin to sparkle. Lars feels his cheeks heat up.

“ _Come on_ , just take it,” Lars grunts, shaking the bag a bit desperately. Steven finally takes it and holds it as if it’s the most precious gift he’s ever received. He raises his head again, genuinely moved.

“You’re… You’re worried about me?” He wonders.

“WHAT!?” Lars squeaks, face burning. “I’m not **worried**! Why the heck would I be worried?!”

He avoids any eye contact, deciding to look at anywhere but Steven.

“Y-You’re literally the only person who comes here every single day, so you should just- get your 1000th free donut for once,” He says. “This is _not_ because I’m worried.”

Part of Lars expects Steven to be weird about it – because that’s who he is, a little weirdo –, but the kid surprises him when he isn’t. Once the orange-haired teen has the gut to look back, Steven gives him a fond, grateful smile.

“Thanks, Lars,” He whispers. It’s heartfelt, nonetheless.

Lars blinks, then looks away. “Ugh, _whatever_. Get outta here and enjoy your donuts.”

Steven beams for the first time today. “Okay! See you later!”

Finally, the door rings again and Lars is left alone. When Steven is out of his field of vision, he runs a hand down his face with a long, embarrassed groan.

“I need a break,” He decides, putting the ‘Gone for lunch’ sign on the door and fleeing to the break room.

(At least no one will see his dumb smile.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've already read my previous oneshot, _Atmosphere_ , just wanted to say that I'm feeling better now. I've decided to take a break from Instagram and Facebook for a while, and I think it's helped me a lot. Obviously, I'm still very stressed with everything going on in my life and around the world, so I'll just keep coping with it through writing (I've posted way too many fanfics this year, and they're 99% venting, oof). I might return to therapy next month, I hope.
> 
> I didn't reply to the comments on _Atmosphere_ but I read all of them. Thank you so much for your kind words, and for supporting this fic series. All of these stories mean a lot to me personally, so it warms me to know you guys love them. Thank you so, so much. :')


	2. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took a little while to post this because I had all my wisdom teeth removed last Wednesday... it's been pretty tiring, oof.
> 
> This epilogue also turned out to be a lot longer than I expected... and I'll be honest, this might be touch-starved. Maybe a little too much. Sorry. I still hope it's in character lmao,,
> 
> Thanks for reading!

It’s been a rather… good day today. There’s really no reason for him to feel _off_.

He’s been much, much _happier_ nowadays. Every day at Spacetries is its own special moment. Lars greets people of all profiles, people who are interested by his unique proposal, of expressing the beauties and adventures in outer space and his childhood passion. Spacetries is nothing like the Big Donut, it’s his very own creation.

Though, to be fair, it’s not the first time Lars has felt… weird. Today, however, has been particularly _bad_. So much so, that Blue Lace is the one that closes the shop today. She told him it wouldn’t be any trouble, even though Lars has probably apologized to her too many times in one day. He _didn’t know_ what was wrong with him.

What’s worse is that Lars is unsure whether it’s his regular anxiety because it’s been loud and insistent for no reason. The retired space captain is suddenly worried about something. In fact, he might be worried about… someone?

Lars wonders if he’s got a weird sixth sense after turning pink… but how would that work? No one around him is in danger, as far as he’s concerned. Nothing has gone wrong until now; and it’s not like Lars has had the time to ask Steven if he knew whether Lion has these. Steven has been busy enough with so much on his plate, so he should just wait for the right time.

Until it happens, it feels like hell.

Tonight, he’s very much restless, so he kind of paces around in his own house now that no one’s here. He’s also listening to music, just so his mind isn’t too worked up about his stupid gut feeling; a little habit he’s always had.

However, when his phone vibrates, his sixth sense seems to spike up. For reasons beyond him, it’s even more so once he reads the contact.

 **Steven:** _Hey Lars, are you busy??_

 **Lars:** _nah i’m just bored outta my mind here_

_… in fact, i kinda need to ask you about smth, if you wanna meet up sometime. no pressure tho_

It takes Steven a little longer to reply.

 **Steven:** _Can I fome ofer now_

_come over_

_Please?_

The pink teenager frowns a little but responds in no time.

 **Lars:** _sure man_

After a moment, he can’t help sending another text.

 **Lars:** _you okay?_

He gets no other answer after that.

… instead, Lars is startled by a weight coming out of his hair, thus landing on the carpet. Although it’s been two years, he still doesn’t enjoy the sensation of someone popping out of his head.

Yet in the last times, Steven has at least perfected his arrivals. This one was… clumsy. Rough.

“Ack… Steven? What’s going on-?”

His voice immediately dies down at the kid on the floor. There are scratches all over his pink jacket, and his clothes are ripped. Steven struggles to stand, leading him to fall on his knees again, grunting quietly in pain.

“Oh my **god**!” Lars practically ignores his phone falling on the ground as he rushes to grab Steven by his shoulders. “Steven, are you okay?! What happened to you?!”

The younger boy refuses to talk to him, let alone look back. There are bruises and dirt smudging his face, and just the tiniest specks of red are enough to give a space zombie a heart attack. Once he’s haunted by the thought of someone doing this, of someone hurting Steven (like so many other gems have done before), Lars’ breaths quicken, and he struggles not to squeeze the life out of the kid’s shoulders.

“Steven, _look at me_ ,” The older boy speaks, barely unable to contain the rising fury in his voice. “ ** _Who_** did this to you?”

Soon after the question, he senses Steven shaking. A whisper that barely reaches Lars’ ears comes to surface.

“… me,” Steven admits. “I did this.”

Lars’ stomach drops. “ _What_?”

“I-I—” The younger fails to speak; tears are welling up in his tired eyes, and he struggles to hold them together. “I w-was— I…”

“Hey, hey, hey…” Lars shushes him. Steven begins hiccupping out of control. “Let’s—” His hands hover over the kid, quite lost at what to do at first. His eyes search for anything around them, until they meet the couch nearby. “Let’s get off the floor, okay? Come on.”

The former helps the latter get on his feet, as Steven is too out of it to move alone. The pink boy gently places him on the couch, getting a handful of painful apologies.

“I-I’m sorry, I know I messed up, I’m _sorry_ ,” The half-human boy sobs and repeats the words like a broken record.

“Hey, you have nothing to apologize for, okay?” Lars reassures him, voice lower.

“B-But you’re mad… a-and with good reason…”

“No… No, I’m not mad at _you_ , I promise.” The older boy, hesitant, rests a tentative hand on his back. “You just scared me, buddy.”

He’s ready to let go in case it’s too much. While Steven briefly looks shocked, he relaxes, his sobs eventually ceasing. Despite this, the boy seems vigilant and ashamed, as if still expecting to be yelled at. At that, Lars scoots closer to him.

“What happened to you?” He repeats. Steven lowers his head, hands curling into fists. At the sudden sob, Lars immediately rewords his question, “Y-You don’t have to talk about it, though, I swear. I just…”

He sighs, checking over the sixteen-year-old's ugly wounds. His hand tries to soothe his trembling muscles.

“Does it hurt?” Lars lowers his voice.

At once, Steven uncovers part of his tear-stained face. “K-Kinda.”

“Can I help?”

The half-gem seems… contemplative, though he eventually complies. “C-Could you…” He swallows. “Could you get me some water? It- It might help my healing powers to do the job.”

“Right. Right, okay.” The space pirate gently pats his shoulder. “I’ll be right back.”

In less than a second, Lars has made it to the kitchen and grabbed the nearest glass to fill with water. As it turns out, Steven finishes it in one sip, and he must drink at least three more before he’s satisfied. Lars knows a hint or two about how his healing powers work alongside his body, so he can’t help but observe that Steven hasn’t kept himself hydrated enough.

After drinking water, the half-gem seems a _lot_ less drained, for that matter. Regardless, his eyes are sadly too red for Lars’ taste and he looks overall miserable.

“Th-Thanks,” Steven mumbles, drying one of his eyes with his dirty sleeve.

“Hey, I… I can wash that for you,” Lars signals at the ripped jacket. “It might make you feel better, yeah?”

Fortunately, Steven doesn’t take long to accept, and he takes his pink jacket off in silence. Once Lars returns from the back of the house, he finds the younger boy shrinking to himself, cradling his own knees. The sight breaks his heart.

“I-I feel horrible,” Steven admits when the other joins him again, voice cracking. “I d-destroyed the whole forest in front of me. I punched everything, and I…” His fingers clutch his blue jeans. “I felt good. I actually felt _good_ destroying everything around me. It was **_terrifying_**.”

Lars listens, patient.

“I’m always- I’m always _angry_ , and I don’t know _why_ ,” Steven says. “And I’m- I’m so scared to tell the gems. What are they gonna think of me? What if they finally realize I’m a mess? That I’ve **_always_** _been a mess_?”

Something seems to hit the older boy’s stomach. _Hard_.

The weird sixth sense, it’s currently a complete mess. As much of a mess as Steven looks right now. If Lars can describe it, it’s filled with… guilt, shame, rage, horror… grief.

_I’ve been… trying **so** hard, you know. I’m trying hard to be better. I’m supposed to be a Crystal Gem, but… I-I keep messing everything up…_

Oh, god. Oh goodness.

For how long has he…?

His heart drops at the realization. Is this why Lars has been having these episodes? These- These crushing bricks on his shoulders, the looming danger inside his gut? Is it because Steven, the brightest kid he’s ever seen, has been hurting and no one bothered to realize and- and do _something_?

Lars knew, he knew. He’s _always_ known. Ever since he insulted Steven’s mom. Ever since the kid came to him in that lonely day at the Big Donut, tired, miserable, hopeless.

What can he say? That he’s sorry? That everything will be fine? No, it never worked. He knows what must be going on in the kid’s head. Nothing is any closer to getting better. Steven is feeling completely awful and alone.

He can’t say anything.

Like that, the pink boy wraps an arm around the other, pulling him closer. Steven’s tearful eyes rise a little, and he’s staring at him, unsure, confused, shocked. Why would he deserve any help? _Why would he deserve comfort?_

Lars squeezes his shoulder, giving him an attempt of a smile. A silent one but hoping he’d get the message.

He gets it.

Steven leans all his weight on him, all of it. He buries his flooded face in the other’s chest, and Lars envelopes the boy in his arms; one hand soothing the back of his curly head, whilst the other arm holds him tight and close. Steven literally melts in it, so much that he begins weeping, and Lars proceeds to mumble incoherent nonsense in his hair, shushing him, stroking his back. Hopefully, letting him know someone is here for him right now, no matter where he might be, no matter whether he’s stuck in a hole. Something Lars needed to know such a long time before.

At this point, Steven is practically on his lap, though neither of them care. They’re both here, feeling each other’s heartbeats, arms holding onto one another. It almost feels like they’re back at the Kindergarten, neither of them sure what might come next, what might happen to them after they let go. What matters now, though, is that they’re both _here_ , and it’s the most soothing reminder there is.

Lars begins to relax; and that’s also a sign that Steven must be, too. The kid breathes in and out, steady, calm, safe. He’s even heavier in the other’s lap.

“Mmmm… Lars?” The boy calls for him, voice droopy. “’m tired…”

Lars smirks. “I can tell.”

Clearly, Steven is in no shape to leave. He’s drained all of his energies. And if Lars is being fair, he doesn’t think he _wants_ Steven to go, either. The warm weight against his pink body is comforting. It’s… nice. Lars takes another look over him; in spite of the dried out tears, Steven definitely looks more peaceful, almost falling asleep.

That brings Lars to lie down on the couch, still holding onto the kid; though making sure he doesn’t get hurt anywhere, as Steven stays on top of him.

“What’re you—” Steven begins to protest.

“You can go to sleep.” Lars ruffles his hair. “You’re safe.”

“Aren’t I too big for this…?”

“Shhh. You’re fine here, small fry.” The older boy snorts at the tired pout he receives, and the tiny punch as well.

“You're mean...”

"I'm your personal pillow now. No way I could be mean."

"Hmmmm."

“You’re okay,” Lars reassures him again. “I’ve got you.”

Steven mumbles something akin to a protest, but he soon gives in, pressing his cheek against his chest. The space pirate rubs his shoulders up and down, until he feels himself relaxing. The couch is a little cramped for them, but they don’t complain.

“G’night…” Steven whispers pleasantly.

Lars smiles, eyes closing, contempt. “’Night, Steve.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, on a very special oneshot... Lars will finally get his spare of angst. Stay tuned :)
> 
> Please consider taking a look at this carrd on current world issues; obviously, at your own caution. Thank you and take care <3 --> https://issuesintheworld.carrd.co/


End file.
